About Me

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Maine, United States
Happily married for 14 years- celebrating the reality that our children are home

Sunday, January 13, 2013

in defense of contentment

Yesterday I posted this on fb: so this is what contentment feels like *big exhale* :).  My friend, Kait, a fellow adoptive mom from Uganda asked me: Do you ever find yourself looking at your husband and boys and thinking "Lord, I know I could never do anything to deserve such blessings but thank you for this anyway"?.  Yes Kait , I do feel that way. I also feel a settled, deep calm as if I don't need to search for the next big thing or what I'm going to do with my life "when I grow up." I'm realizing that this is a very new feeling and how much that I LOVE it.

I have just realized how truly settled and content and peaceful I have been feeling lately.  I am by nature a truly type-A planner/schemer/dreamer living days weeks months years into the future in my mind to get it right plan it out know what to say or do and how I will face every possible scenario in my life.  I've also been know to be a what-if-this-isn't-what-I'm-really-supposed-to-be-doing-with-my-life-and I'm-*gasp*missing-something person.  [those who know me are nodding right now] It has been so long since I have felt any of those things that I really can't remember my last anxiety filled sleepless night or so-distracted-that-I'm-present-in-body-only week.  
That is no small thing, my friends. No.small.thing. 34 years I have lived that way. 

Briefly I think the reason for this is 2-fold.  1. Spending time the in 3rd world. I mean once you've done that you are ashamed to worry about your little things. period. and 2. Being handed the awesome responsibility of the lives and well-being of 2 little boys who were hand-picked by God out of all that poverty and despair to live in my house and live under my influence.  [I'm sure having a baby come out of your body and raising it is a very sobering experience too.]  I guess there is just something about that fact that this BRIMER PARTY OF 4 was matched up from 1,000's of miles away to be each other's family... well I don't have the words.  Simply put I am NOT searching for a sense of purpose.

Ironically the message today at church was about staying warm and safe in a place where religion can insulate us from real life and inoculate us from really knowing God.  A message against contentment!  And just when I felt so relieved at having found it! We were challenged to embrace adventure.  [btw it was great sermon, very inspiring and on another level of spiritual -not physical/emotional- stuff  I was very challenged by it] Some of this could be semantics, I realize.  

However life is NOT static or still (especially w/2 4 yr olds) and I honestly believe that seasons come and go on the journey.  We have recently come out of a season of true world-traveling adventure.  We are in a season of rest and rooting.  We are doing all the things plants do underground during the winter.  Resting. Waiting. Anticipating. Becoming. Multiplying for the next flashy-on-display season. Growing on the inside. Our current season IS an adventure even though it may not be noteworthy or incredibly interesting to anyone but us.  May I also say that; parenting AT ALL is a journey, yes an adventurous one, these 2 Brimers never thought we'd embark on.  
While I can't say where we'll be next week, today I will declare that:
Parenting+Contentment is a big deal.

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