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da peep peep

This was writtn months ago and I am not sure why I never published it but it is a cute story.


Hayden is an inquisitive thinker and his ability to think things through is quite impressive to me.  I enjoy our conversations as he figures out why things are the way they are.

Here is one especially endearing example:
I was giving them their snack before I send them down for their Sunday School class
the pastor was walking past us and Hayden asked,
"what to do in your class up here?  What will you teacher say to do?"
I answered that God tells our teacher what to say and we learn what God wants us to do.  I gave a few examples like "to be nice friends" and "do good listening" 
I added that sometimes even big people who know what to do right still do bad things and just do what we like to do even if it isn't a good idea.
Hayden was thinking about what happens to him when he does NOT do good things and asked
"God tells you to make us sit down w/the peep peep (timer).  What do YOU have to do? Because you don't sit down for time out."
GREAT question! I told him that even though we don't have to sit down for a timeout, sometimes we don't get good things because we have bad ideas and do just what we like to do.  Sometimes sad things come and we can't have any fun.

The next day he says at breakfast:
I had a dream about daddy and God
Daddy wasn't going good listening and God told Daddy
to sit down with da peep peep.
LOVE THIS KID!!!!

in defense of contentment

Yesterday I posted this on fb: so this is what contentment feels like *big exhale* :).  My friend, Kait, a fellow adoptive mom from Uganda asked me: Do you ever find yourself looking at your husband and boys and thinking "Lord, I know I could never do anything to deserve such blessings but thank you for this anyway"?.  Yes Kait , I do feel that way. I also feel a settled, deep calm as if I don't need to search for the next big thing or what I'm going to do with my life "when I grow up." I'm realizing that this is a very new feeling and how much that I LOVE it.

I have just realized how truly settled and content and peaceful I have been feeling lately.  I am by nature a truly type-A planner/schemer/dreamer living days weeks months years into the future in my mind to get it right plan it out know what to say or do and how I will face every possible scenario in my life.  I've also been know to be a what-if-this-isn't-what-I'm-really-supposed-to-be-doing-with-my-life-and I'm-*gasp*missing-something person.  [those who know me are nodding right now] It has been so long since I have felt any of those things that I really can't remember my last anxiety filled sleepless night or so-distracted-that-I'm-present-in-body-only week.  
That is no small thing, my friends. No.small.thing. 34 years I have lived that way. 

Briefly I think the reason for this is 2-fold.  1. Spending time the in 3rd world. I mean once you've done that you are ashamed to worry about your little things. period. and 2. Being handed the awesome responsibility of the lives and well-being of 2 little boys who were hand-picked by God out of all that poverty and despair to live in my house and live under my influence.  [I'm sure having a baby come out of your body and raising it is a very sobering experience too.]  I guess there is just something about that fact that this BRIMER PARTY OF 4 was matched up from 1,000's of miles away to be each other's family... well I don't have the words.  Simply put I am NOT searching for a sense of purpose.

Ironically the message today at church was about staying warm and safe in a place where religion can insulate us from real life and inoculate us from really knowing God.  A message against contentment!  And just when I felt so relieved at having found it! We were challenged to embrace adventure.  [btw it was great sermon, very inspiring and on another level of spiritual -not physical/emotional- stuff  I was very challenged by it] Some of this could be semantics, I realize.  

However life is NOT static or still (especially w/2 4 yr olds) and I honestly believe that seasons come and go on the journey.  We have recently come out of a season of true world-traveling adventure.  We are in a season of rest and rooting.  We are doing all the things plants do underground during the winter.  Resting. Waiting. Anticipating. Becoming. Multiplying for the next flashy-on-display season. Growing on the inside. Our current season IS an adventure even though it may not be noteworthy or incredibly interesting to anyone but us.  May I also say that; parenting AT ALL is a journey, yes an adventurous one, these 2 Brimers never thought we'd embark on.  
While I can't say where we'll be next week, today I will declare that:
Parenting+Contentment is a big deal.

the thinkers

Ever have a moment that leaves you feeling like you must be doing SOME things right as a parent? So at breakfast we are listening to a CD of a Ugandan children's choir that the boys LOVE and they asked me what the song was about. They were singing about God's grace so I told the boys the song was about "how God loves us even when we are naughty so many times and just do what we like, even then He loves us just the same much." I could hardly get the words out w/o getting a little choked up as I said them because it is just too amazing when you realize the truth of that statement. THE BEST part though was Hayden's quick response, "just like you and daddy still love us when we are naughty!" *misty-eyed momma* What more do you need them to know at this age? LOVE IT!!!!

Yesterday I said somethings about having my 2 babies and Hayden protested "no only 1 baby, because I am 4."  I told him that daddy was still Gramma Brimer's baby even though he's all the way big and that he will still be my baby even when he is all the way big.

Out of the blue a few days ago Garak came up to me and declared as if he had it all thought out, "God has the biggest hands.  Even if you are far far away from Him, He can still reach you!"  I was moved by his observation and told him to go tell daddy what he had just said.  He went into the room where daddy was and emphatically delivered his message gesturing with his hand like a seasoned African preacher would.  He often gestures like that when he sings as well.  His Ugandan Jaja would be so proud to know he is following in her footsteps.

Another keen observation from Hayden:  he was asking about shooting a gun to kill a deer when he gets bigger.  I told him that you have to go to school to learn how to be really safe with a gun and if you don't do a great job and good listening at that class you can't have a card that says you are allowed to have gun.  He thought for a few moments and then declared "at that school they tell you" while wagging his finger like an instructor scolding a student, "don't shoot yourself with a gun or you will be dead!"

giving thanks

FALLing into family rhythms

the great carrot harvest of 2012. we pulled them up from the garden, loaded them into the dump truck (right of sink) and then scrubbed them in lots of bubbles. Garak's bulging cheek reveals they also were sampling them during the processing.

Beth's farm market. the haystack mountain. such fun!

I'm this big, really. not pretending. are you kidding me? (Hayden says this fairly often)

we built this w/Mommy!

even Hayden puts his clothes on backwards sometimes still (for Garak it is a daily occurrence) this is rare shot where the roles were reversed

riding bikes and visiting w/grampa Proch on speakerphone

Grampa, when are you coming?

look at me! I have a big bike! [they like to show people on the phone what they are doing assuming that they can see it all]

we jumped in the leaves!!

and then threw leaves at daddy!

vampires!

Garak LOVEs his pumpkin

long time ago in Muganda

1st day we met him

tonight I was cuddling Garak after books (during Hayden's last potty attempt of the night) and b4 the final tuck-in and i rocked him a minute repeating in a sing-songy way "I love Garak. he's such a nice boy"
then he (was on my lap looking up at me and grinning) came up with a different tune than I had used and sang me a sweet song right off the top of his head "Mommy is a girl. I love HIM. such a nice girly. I love HIM!"When I told him that I loved the song he replied, "I had that one long time ago in MUGANDA."
best song I've ever had sung to me before bed, hands down!

both boys refer to things that happened "long time ago in Muganda" <-- Garak
or
"when I was a baby in Uganda" <-- Hayden

1st day we met him

mostly they are made up and completely impossible to have happened when they were babies but very cute to hear and also very cool that they know where they came from. Isn't that such an important part of becoming who you are?

Today they met a couple from Mulawi, Africa and when the husband asked Garak where he was from, he fired back without any hesitation, "I'm from Uganda!"

Not sure why Hayden seems hesitant, but he has dramatically opposed meeting people with brown skin a few times recently (today included).  We'll see if he can express why at some point.

last week at a hayride

today in our family's history..1st time we were all together in America

maybe I should have some significant, deeply moving paragraph about how my heart is quivering and my throat gets tight just looking back at these, about how I sit is disbelief as I look back at that 2 month period between arrival in Uganda and arrival in Portland, Maine... instead it seems these images speak for themselves...if this moves you, please pause and give thanks for our blessings and ask that others who are trying to bring their blessings home will soon realize that dream as well

the day after we arrived in Uganda: reunited

best.sign.ever.

barely holding on but our 22ish hrs of plane rides are FINALLY over

straight to the Weathervane from the airport

yay! we're in America!

celebrate with me! I'm home. my life is radically different from now on

tired but joyful with  my loving family around me

no way for him to understand the sweet significance of this image

our house. it's real! not just in the picture book Mommy brought us

our room (look at those baby faces!)

we'll never forget where we came from

worth the trip

a few weeks ago we decided to go and visit my family in upstate NY.  {disclaimer: I enjoyed seeing my sister my gramma and my aunties as well but this post is about grampa} to say that the 8hr drive through the mountains of Vermont -in the dark- in a rainstorm - was less than fun is well...an understatement to say the least.  there were a few times on that long trip to NY that we wondered aloud if it was worth it for just a couple of days of visiting to go through this long unpleasant drive.
well let's see:
in 2009 I went to Uganda on a missions trip and was given the assignment to become a mother.  my boys were newly born infants.  I didn't know at that time that they even existed but they were already waiting for me. 
after that trip I went to upstate NY and visited my grandparents. I told them that I knew that I was going to go back to Uganda to bring 2 little brown boys home.  I showed them my pictures of the orphans I HAD seen.  my grandpa (who is now 80 years old and has had a stroke) didn't say much while I was showing the photo slideshow and telling about what I had experienced. after a while he got up abruptly to leave the room.  when asked where he was going he replied, "I'm getting too sad.  I can't stay in here anymore."  his answer had stayed with me all this time.  it is an honest reaction to the sadness of so many children living in poverty without parents. 

so fast forward to this most recent trip to NY to see my grandparents again; this time with the boys.
my grandpa doesn't smile as much now as I remember him doing when we were young, but he smiled a lot when we were there.  he hugged each of  my boys in a big bear hug and declared, "Grampa loves you.  Do you know that?  I love you."
was it worth the trip?
no question.  absolutely.

photo op: the 3 great grandsons

tuba head

so our boys' hair is amazing and fun and I'm just as jealous as I have been since the first time I played on the playground and saw an little African girl with her hair in braids...but let me share our family's most recent "hair story"

if you've never touched African hair in it's natural state then 1st of all you should if you get the chance.  If you've ever pet a baby sheep, it is a very similar texture.  We talk about the boys' sheep hair and they pretend to be sheep sometimes when we are oiling their hair.  We use coconut oil in their hair sometimes after bath. On those nights we wrap their hair just so it doesn't get the bed too dirty.  they LOVE when they get to wear "pirate hats" to bed.  on this particular night we put the kerchiefs on upside down and gave them sheep ears

They twist their hair as a nervous habit and for comfort.  The result looks like little horns and feels like a knotted mess.  sometimes when they wake up in the AM having twisted their hair to fall asleep there is a big "horn" somewhere.  The English language has enough homonyms to make things interesting in such cases but Hayden heard "trumpet" not "horn like a sheep has." 
Yesterday he woke up, looked in the mirror and declared to Daddy, "I am a tuba head!" [the biggest horn he could think of]
very cute stuff!!

for tomorrow

almost 1 year into having the boys at home we have so many days that seem like this is our normal life. no biggie.  we are their parents.  they are our sons.  the fact that we look nothing alike is a minor detail.  they are starting to act like us.  they use our phrases and gestures which is really fun.  we quote lines from our favorite books and videos to each other at appropriate moments throughout the day and laugh at our cleverness. 
the big people go to work and the little people go to "school" as they call it.  this is really play school/daycare but it counts to them as school.  they have backpacks full of stuffed toys and soft blankets and a change of clothes for "just in case."
our days are very structured and routine-filled and much of it feels very safe and predictable.  which of course makes us feel calm and lets us relax and anticipate what's next.  this is true so much of the time but
there are little moments when you are holding a sweet wiggly brown boy in your arms who a year ago was thin and sullen and is now strong and vibrant, quick-witted and joyful when you can barely contain the emotion.  the core of your spirit resonates to the MUSIC of REDEMPTION...
sometimes when you get a strong sense that they are grounded and content, safe and secure it just sneaks up on your heart and HITS YOU making a lump in your throat that you can't swallow.
one such time recently was when I was minding my own business getting bath time routine wrapped up for the evening.  no biggie right? we do this every night that I'm not working.  but then my sweet methodical Hayden-y boy did what he does every night in just the same way at the end of bath.
he filled up and lined up all the bottles and cups on every possible surface he had available around the tub and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, these is for tomorrow; for cold time."
see how it sneaks up on you?
I mean what's so touching about that?  well I'll tell you:  at the beginning of each bath as the warm running water is making all the bumble-bee bubbles, Mommy takes the cups and bottles full of cold water saved from yesterday's bath and pours them over 2 delighted, wiggly, brown boys.  they squeal and splash in great anticipation of this nightly event and shout "get Hayden!!" "get Garak!!" as I laugh and grin and douse them with cold water. 
maybe you can't feel the weightiness of Hayden's confession in his simple plan for tomorrow but I heard him say:  you will be here for my tomorrows and I will be here for yours.

At the Owl's Head Transportation Museum

this tractor is SO BIG!

this is for pushing a LOT of SNOW!!

the REAL "Mater"

we rode in a Model T today and it was VERY fun!

Mommy helping Hayden make his glider airplane

Daddy helping Garak make his glider airplane

Hayden flying his glider plane

speedy tractor coming through. they waited all day for this!

Garak getting pulled over...yikes!

I love this image. Such a cool dude.

model train inside the museum

they still have these gliders! such a fun day!

I like this blue one!

we saw a lot of functioning antique aircraft as well outside. the boys called this one "a kite and a bike"

this is the one "The Red Barron" flew in his daredevil acts (and it matches momma's hair!)

all tired out. what a GREAT DAY!