The official breakdown is as follows:

'nuff said?

No matter how hard I try to be rational and tell myself that it may be pretty weird for the boys and they may be shy at first seeing me again and they may kinda wonder what is going on etc.  I can't shake the hope that I get a running tackle hug from at least one of them!  Dad will be rolling tape w/the video camera to capture whatever reaction they have to seeing me.  A friend who was adopted as a child told me that "your heart knows it's mommy" and I am holding on to that thought like it is the gospel truth.

btw: over at

http://www.brimerpartyof4.com/Donate.html 

my sister is hosting a fundraiser TODAY in New Haven, CT. there are some AMAZING items that have been donated for silent auction if you are curious be sure to check it out starting at 6pm EST they will be live taking bids and donations online as well as at the event I believe.

While I am at it in case you were curious about this as well.  I have picked out a few things that would be nice to have for the boys:
http://www.myregistry.com/public/brimerpartyof4

There's a kind of hush...

6 days left b4 HUGS

Calm 

Packed

Resolute
Errands run

Decisions made

Arrangements set
Bedroom set just so
Quite Ready for HUGS

how do you feel about the trip?

As emotions are not a solid state...how I feel about the trip comes in waves but excitement wins out more often then not.  1 week til I get to hold my babies!

"good to go"

                 3 out of 4 suitcases packed...Rx filled...my travel visa from the Ugandan Embassy in Washington, DC arrived today...good to go                        

I knew this would happen

 Sometimes you know something but don't feel it or believe it.  When their guardians came to pick them up that Friday afternoon of May 20th, I saw the worry in the women's eyes and the sadness that we were really leaving without the boys.  I could hear my own voice saying reassuringly, "We will come back soon.  It is really just a few weeks from now.  We have to go home and work, but we WILL be back."  I knew what I was saying was true, but my heart didn't believe me.  When my precious babies walked out of the compound with their guardians, in my rational heart and mind I knew that I would see them again.  It seemed as if it was so far in the future that I couldn't bear to think of how long 12 weeks was.  Once the gate closed behind them, I stood dazed looking at the closed gate until Hannah, a little girl who had just left her family to stay in the compound, quietly and matter-of-factly mused, "It's hard to leave the ones you've been staying with."  I felt myself gasp and hurried to my room where it felt safer in case I crumbled into pieces; which I did do.  I lay in that state for a few hours until Norm scooped the pieces of me up into the car and we left for the airport.  Some pieces were left behind, but I have made due without them.

bye bye Momma (see my shadow?)

I knew it was still going to happen...but it seemed like forever away.

getting set...to go!

And now it is 2 weeks away, ONLY 2.  Count them 1...2. That is it.  Look at the countdown on the right hand side of the screen.  Do you know how fast that will go by?  Next thing you know I will be there!  Arrangements have been made.  Tickets purchased.  Suitcases are in various stages of being packed.  Many, many prayers have been raised.  We have no promise of ease or success but we have faith, hope and lots of love.

50 pounds packed and ready: 1 of the 4 that we're bringing

My dad said he was packing light.  That is a good thing because I have his 2 suitcases full already!
We are bringing back supplies for some missionaries we know over there.

a spirit of timidity

Last week I heard a song on the radio.  I've heard it lots of times before but one phrase jumped out at me.

"those who have troubles and pains keeping you back from your life"

I thought about that phrase and couldn't hear any of the rest of the song.  How powerful that little though was to break through and get to me!  What a tragedy to let troubles and pains keep me back from my life.  My life is now and yes there are troubles and pain.  This is the human condition, you might say but I could not bear the thought that I was letting anything keep me back from my life.  How was I letting that happen?

it is hard to have their "stuff" but not have them

esperence est violent.  This is a quote meaning "hope is violent" from a favorite French poem "Le Pont Mirabeau."  It has always spoken strongly to me because the writer is wishing for a love he can no longer have and to hope is violent to his soul because it causes such pain.  I think that I was in that place until I heard the song I mentioned and got snapped out of my fear of hoping and believing for the best.  There is no guarantee that this trip will be easy breezy fun and fancy free but there is a promise that I will be where I am supposed to be and doing what I need to be doing and that I will not be alone.

It's official. 1 month to go.

I purchased our plane tickets yesterday.  In exactly 1 month we are leaving on August 15th from Portland ME.  We decided that it will be best if Norman does not return with me.  My dad offered to come along.  Our court date is August 23rd.  Please pray that every possible detail goes as smoothly as it can.  Travel.  Our judge.  The guardians.  The boys.  Everyone's safety and health. Appointments.  Most of all that we are learning to TRUST and REST in God's timing and His plan.