almost 1 year into having the boys at home we have so many days that seem like this is our normal life. no biggie. we are their parents. they are our sons. the fact that we look nothing alike is a minor detail. they are starting to act like us. they use our phrases and gestures which is really fun. we quote lines from our favorite books and videos to each other at appropriate moments throughout the day and laugh at our cleverness.
the big people go to work and the little people go to "school" as they call it. this is really play school/daycare but it counts to them as school. they have backpacks full of stuffed toys and soft blankets and a change of clothes for "just in case."
our days are very structured and routine-filled and much of it feels very safe and predictable. which of course makes us feel calm and lets us relax and anticipate what's next. this is true so much of the time but
there are little moments when you are holding a sweet wiggly brown boy in your arms who a year ago was thin and sullen and is now strong and vibrant, quick-witted and joyful when you can barely contain the emotion. the core of your spirit resonates to the MUSIC of REDEMPTION...
sometimes when you get a strong sense that they are grounded and content, safe and secure it just sneaks up on your heart and HITS YOU making a lump in your throat that you can't swallow.
one such time recently was when I was minding my own business getting bath time routine wrapped up for the evening. no biggie right? we do this every night that I'm not working. but then my sweet methodical Hayden-y boy did what he does every night in just the same way at the end of bath.
he filled up and lined up all the bottles and cups on every possible surface he had available around the tub and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, these is for tomorrow; for cold time."
see how it sneaks up on you?
I mean what's so touching about that? well I'll tell you: at the beginning of each bath as the warm running water is making all the bumble-bee bubbles, Mommy takes the cups and bottles full of cold water saved from yesterday's bath and pours them over 2 delighted, wiggly, brown boys. they squeal and splash in great anticipation of this nightly event and shout "get Hayden!!" "get Garak!!" as I laugh and grin and douse them with cold water.
maybe you can't feel the weightiness of Hayden's confession in his simple plan for tomorrow but I heard him say: you will be here for my tomorrows and I will be here for yours.
the big people go to work and the little people go to "school" as they call it. this is really play school/daycare but it counts to them as school. they have backpacks full of stuffed toys and soft blankets and a change of clothes for "just in case."
our days are very structured and routine-filled and much of it feels very safe and predictable. which of course makes us feel calm and lets us relax and anticipate what's next. this is true so much of the time but
there are little moments when you are holding a sweet wiggly brown boy in your arms who a year ago was thin and sullen and is now strong and vibrant, quick-witted and joyful when you can barely contain the emotion. the core of your spirit resonates to the MUSIC of REDEMPTION...
sometimes when you get a strong sense that they are grounded and content, safe and secure it just sneaks up on your heart and HITS YOU making a lump in your throat that you can't swallow.
one such time recently was when I was minding my own business getting bath time routine wrapped up for the evening. no biggie right? we do this every night that I'm not working. but then my sweet methodical Hayden-y boy did what he does every night in just the same way at the end of bath.
he filled up and lined up all the bottles and cups on every possible surface he had available around the tub and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, these is for tomorrow; for cold time."
see how it sneaks up on you?
I mean what's so touching about that? well I'll tell you: at the beginning of each bath as the warm running water is making all the bumble-bee bubbles, Mommy takes the cups and bottles full of cold water saved from yesterday's bath and pours them over 2 delighted, wiggly, brown boys. they squeal and splash in great anticipation of this nightly event and shout "get Hayden!!" "get Garak!!" as I laugh and grin and douse them with cold water.
maybe you can't feel the weightiness of Hayden's confession in his simple plan for tomorrow but I heard him say: you will be here for my tomorrows and I will be here for yours.
sweetness...
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